The glue that makes it stick....
By Rumbidzai Mashayahanya
So I have been wondering what really makes any
relationship work. Is it just about the personalities of the two individuals
being compatible? Is it the deep gnawing need of wanting to be needed or is it
about the sex?
The underlying concept of any relationship is not
about his/ hers, it is about a partnership of compromise and accommodating each
others differences. It is a subtler form of general mathematics that simply
adds up to the magic.
Relationships are based on optimism, even though
this seems like a skewed view on the subject, it is in fact true. When one is
in a relationship of any sort, the one thing we all hope on consciously or
sub-consciously is that we wake up the next day in the hope that our partner
still feels the same way they felt before they went to bed.
Real relationships take lots of work and time. It
is not about borrowed lines and scenes from the pages of a fairytale book, “And they lived happily ever after!”
though it is a phrase we all love to hear, it is not as simple as Disney puts
across. It is not as easy as Beauty; a damsel in distress is rescued from the
evil fire breathing dragon by a handsome prince, and bam! They are married. If you
were viewing the world in this starry eyed version, then this is your wake up
call to see the true realities of hoe relationships work
What is important and what I have learnt from my
own experience is that, the key to making it work is to stop trying to fix the
other person, they are definitely not broken and neither are we.
We spend too much time trying to improve the
other person such that it slowly becomes an obsession and we begin to spend more
time trying to find flaws and focusing on what is not right in the relationship
or with the partner.
Instead of being a brutal character critic, why
not channel the energy in appreciating the other and thinking of new and
exciting ways to make them happy, respecting their opinions, ideas, taste,
religion, in short having respect for who they are and what they stand for. True
happiness and fulfillment in the relation therefore becomes transient when it
is controlled by outside circumstances.
Trust is an essential element in life. It is the
most essential ingredient for any long lasting relationship. And in the words
of relation expert Stephen Covey, it is the foundational principle that holds
all relationships.
Without trust it is difficult to create a successful
relationship and without trust, it is hard to love!
So at the epilogue of all of life’s catharsis,
where do you begin to have the glue that holds any relationship together?
If there is no trust in a relationship, there is
no love. For trust and love operate in the same manner as faith and hope.
Trust therefore become the grand symbol of
stability and knowledge and this is not merely a tool used by some abusers of
love and trust as an illusion and facade to sugar-coat casual sex in acceptable
terms!
