The glue that makes it stick....

The glue that makes it stick....

By Rumbidzai Mashayahanya

So I have been wondering what really makes any relationship work. Is it just about the personalities of the two individuals being compatible? Is it the deep gnawing need of wanting to be needed or is it about the sex?

The underlying concept of any relationship is not about his/ hers, it is about a partnership of compromise and accommodating each others differences. It is a subtler form of general mathematics that simply adds up to the magic.

Relationships are based on optimism, even though this seems like a skewed view on the subject, it is in fact true. When one is in a relationship of any sort, the one thing we all hope on consciously or sub-consciously is that we wake up the next day in the hope that our partner still feels the same way they felt before they went to bed.

Real relationships take lots of work and time. It is not about borrowed lines and scenes from the pages of a fairytale book, “And they lived happily ever after!” though it is a phrase we all love to hear, it is not as simple as Disney puts across. It is not as easy as Beauty; a damsel in distress is rescued from the evil fire breathing dragon by a handsome prince, and bam! They are married. If you were viewing the world in this starry eyed version, then this is your wake up call to see the true realities of hoe relationships work

What is important and what I have learnt from my own experience is that, the key to making it work is to stop trying to fix the other person, they are definitely not broken and neither are we.

We spend too much time trying to improve the other person such that it slowly becomes an obsession and we begin to spend more time trying to find flaws and focusing on what is not right in the relationship or with the partner.

Instead of being a brutal character critic, why not channel the energy in appreciating the other and thinking of new and exciting ways to make them happy, respecting their opinions, ideas, taste, religion, in short having respect for who they are and what they stand for. True happiness and fulfillment in the relation therefore becomes transient when it is controlled by outside circumstances.

Trust is an essential element in life. It is the most essential ingredient for any long lasting relationship. And in the words of relation expert Stephen Covey, it is the foundational principle that holds all relationships.  

Without trust it is difficult to create a successful relationship and without trust, it is hard to love!

So at the epilogue of all of life’s catharsis, where do you begin to have the glue that holds any relationship together?

If there is no trust in a relationship, there is no love. For trust and love operate in the same manner as faith and hope.

Trust therefore become the grand symbol of stability and knowledge and this is not merely a tool used by some abusers of love and trust as an illusion and facade to sugar-coat casual sex in acceptable terms!

woman of virtue........

Sometimes in life you meet up with difficult situations
Some of them we are their architects
Others are just a matter of fate,
A destiny one thinks they can never change.
What one doesn’t realize though is that words have power
They have the strength to build nations, to build empires, to shape an individuals destiny
Words are a tool that can change our lives.
Having the power to say a word and standing by it takes great courage
The road to building your dreams is never easy,
But you have to walk the whole yard without fail.
I look back at my life and cast stones at myself for the mistakes I have made
But today I look back and reflect on those mistakes as teachers,
Teachers who have given me a wealth of experience,
I shun not my mistakes, but I embrace them as having taught me about the real world.
The road of pain and suffering have I walked alone.
The tears, self mockery and contempt I have endured.
But as the new day dawns on me and I know that God has given me another chance.
A chance not to cry all over again, not to renege on the choices I have made but
An opportunity to start anew again.
I have no doubt that we are our own worst enemies; we are our own nemesis,
We allow situations to reign lord
Yet we have the power to control them in the hollow of our hands.
We are weak but we have the strength deep inside our fragile heart
I now know for sure that I shall not be an engineer of my destruction,
I shall not be an architect of those elements that will hold me down.
I shall take each day as it comes and be glad that I am alive
I shall embrace all the things that have shaped me into being the woman I am today
A true warrior, a woman of virtue.
Many will go down and right all the ills I have done in the books of history, but like a tornado I shall rise, like an eagle I will rejuvenate into a new creation.

......................and now the poet speaks
 

tru african poets corner

The return to innocence....

The Return to Innocence....A self discovery journey!

When the young know not of the sins of the "flesh"

Gone are the days when the innocence of youth was preserved and valued as the essence of an individual. 

It knew not the boundaries of age, sex, race or religion. It was not confined by anything or anyone, but was championed by everyone and innocence was the center on which the earth revolved.

This is not just a compilation of random words, but of carefully constructed thought, that seeks to reflect on the yesteryear of lost youth and innocence.

I have often wondered were the human race lost it and I have failed to come up with a logical explanation. I am not always the one to lay blame on the next party and will not start doing so now. 

Once upon a time..., right at the beginning of all creation, man was created innocent and blameless before God, but Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and there began the doom of all humankind.

Could they have succumbed to the charms of the snake because of their innocence? or was it out of their own curiosity that they were driven by their passion to be bad? Those are the one questions that still boggle my mind even right to this moment.

One thing I definitely know is that, it does not take an aptitude test for one to position themselves to loose their innocence. 

For those who do not drink, it takes just a feel steps to get into the bar, sit on a stool and order one shot of vodka. For the non-smokers, all it takes is just one joint rolled real nice in rizzler and just one drag. For the young virgin boys and girls, all it takes is a touch of uncontrolled hormones and lack of self control or for others the need to just experiment with their new found burning desires.

Of all the above mentioned, they all have one thing in common, it does not take seconds before you are changed from one form to another. All it takes is just a millisecond and all innocence is lost.

For many the change from innocence to being a drunk, a smoker, or a sex athlete becomes the order of the day and soon these cultures infiltrate the rest of the youths who are still oblivious to the new order.

But what really happens when an individual tries to return to innocence?

For many it could be a self discovery journey filled with heartache and tears, but what most people fail to realize is that, it is the beginning of a new lease on life and not the end.

It is simply the universe speaking to us, gently nudging us that our ways are starting to take the wrong track, and how we must turn back into our inner child and find the light within us all. That in turn will be the cure of many of the problems of the world, and how in order to change the world we must first change ourselves, not get caught up in the superficial matters, to look deeper and past our fears.

It is a journey that needs to be embarked on with just four tools- Love, Devotion, Feeling and Emotion.

Love for self will head the discovery of what you are worth as an individual and enhance the respect for self value. Quite often individual who find themselves in precarious positions tend to loose self respect for self. But by embarking on the journey of self discovery all the boundaries are surpassed.

Devotion should be ardent, often selfless affection as a principle. Nothing truly valuable arises from ambition alone or from a mere sense of duty, it stems rather from love and devotion towards men and towards objective things in life.

Feeling can be either  good or bad, but on the journey of self discovery the way we feel or our feelings are a natural response to our thoughts and intentions. We do not choose our feelings directly. Our feelings are simply an in-built feedback mechanism. They indicate whether we are moving into alignment with our true desires.

Emotion simply becomes a conscious state of the feelings we have. Why emotions are crucial, it is of importance to note that all battles are fought and won in the mind. Hence the manifestation of the final return to  innocence should become the state of the mind and influence the change that we want to be.

It does not matter where you have been before or what you have done, what is important is who you want to  discover by returning to a state of innocence and overcoming the fear of not knowing what the future holds thereafter.